He is my Brother

Hai. I’m feeling strange today. Not just today, but a week already. I think hiking can makes me forget it. No matter for a while i will appreciate it. But, till now there’s no effect. I’m just feeling more tired and broken. And i hope, share with you can make me little relieve.

Maybe we usually know it as Karma. Yes, i get it. I too often give expectation for someone and i erase it suddenly. I just wanna close with someone without any binding deals. Because it makes me more comfortable and keep feelin’ free. Now, someone has gave me expectation and i know well that he is loving someone else. More than anything.

Actually it is not a big trouble. Just little feelin’ that would be fade away by time. But when ? the more i try to forget, the more he appears. F*ck !

I just already said to myself “he is your brother. Let him love anyone else. And support him no matter what”. It gave me better feelin’. At least i can keep like him eventhough he loves someone else. I hope myself can accept it and all of this strange feel will perfectly gone.

Please bless me, God

Vina

Score and Life

Hai, sorry for offering you another unimportant post, but i have to tell it to you. I’ve heard that school isn’t place to find a “score”, but “knowledge”. Yeah, actually since my first step to went to school i always plan to bring a high score for mom, dad, and people i wanna share. I never thought that i was right there just to get knowledge. Because we all know, we can get so many knowledge everywhere, everytime, with everyone. Not just in school.

When i was child (10th above), all i can do to make my mom and dad smiling just getting a good score. And when i was tenagers (10th bellow), another effort to make them smiling is having a special skill in specifict subject and having an achievement in non-academic. Everyday i learn in what i like and interested me. And everyday the desire to get good score has been fade away.

In 17th, my idealism was growing on. I started to like politic, social, culture, and public. I have watched news everymorning, i have read newspaper, i have shared with people, and thought to have some demo in school. It’s a such fun to learn based on reality. And unconciously I hated Math, Geography,  Java, Chinesse, and 7 others. There’s a great punch in my head when my raport unsatisfiying me.  i needed a long time to change my mind and i wrote a little note .

“it just an useless subject. It just completed the score. And good news, who care about score ?. It doesn’t influence me at all. I believe i’m still alive in next 10 years nomatter my Math, Geography, Java, Chinesse and 7 other score was bad.”

One year goes by ... now, i’m holding that little note. Little note that i wrote one year ago when i definitely crazy. Because .... what should i say if all the people’s judgement based on the score ? are we still darely said “ i don’t need score” ?

This is my confusing biggy question that appeared when i almost sleep. I was thinking about bad score i get in Math, Java, Chinesse, Geography, and 7 others. Apperently it has a such big influence in my life. My score influences the “SNMPTN Undangan” that determines which university i get. The University i get influences my future. My Future influences my career, then, finally it influences my life. My life. One more. My life !!

I hope it just my paranoidity or such kinda feeling because do you think it is fair for our life determined by the unreal nominal digit on a sheet of paper ?

Oke, it just my opinion. I think score can be exchange with another measurement that more usefull. Like achievement for finding an usefull inovation, achievement for dareness of doing something heroic, and achievement of doing a good turn, and many more.

Oke reader, it just a little “galau” note of 18th nomaden girls who confusing about future in middle night. bye

Last 2012 in Jakarta

Hi reader. It has been long time since my last post. I miss to write so bad. Okey, start from my birthday that was held in Jakarta with my old friends and my family but without dad, because he enjoy himself being in Purwokerto.

I get so so soooo meaningfull birthday.i get many motivation from everything i ever leave. I miss to live in jakarta, i miss to trough my day with Ghinta, i miss to hang out and go to cinema in the weekend, i miss to watch a concert, i miss to walk around by busway, i miss to say that i am jakartarian. i miss that time. How i get it again ? absolutely i have to studyhard to reach indonesia University, so i can live in jakarta again !! yeah !! this is a beautifully gift for getting myself has been motivate by all i see.  I am 18th and i realized that i have to do something for many years later.

We also celebrated christmast in my aunty’s apartment. She is a great cookies maker. She get many order in a few days  before christmast, so i have to help her while i studied to make some cakes. Finally, we spend their warm christmast with share and laugh. I miss the moment like this.

The special moment is went i visited Ghinta’s house. I MISS HER SO BAD !! we shared, laughed, and cried. She have many problem so i tried to keep herself enjoy to tell. I wanna there, by her side. But i couldn’t yet. She gave me birthday gift and i sooooo touched. And last, we took a picture together.

In following days, i just walked around and met my ex neighbour. Many thing have changed. I am so touched and felt nostalgic. I hang out, hang out and hang out untill 29th December. Then i went back to Purwokerto to have a new year eve in Purwokerto with mom and dad.

Thanks god, for gave me many thing in every single day of last 2012.

I think its not too late to say Happy New Year