He is my Brother

Hai. I’m feeling strange today. Not just today, but a week already. I think hiking can makes me forget it. No matter for a while i will appreciate it. But, till now there’s no effect. I’m just feeling more tired and broken. And i hope, share with you can make me little relieve.

Maybe we usually know it as Karma. Yes, i get it. I too often give expectation for someone and i erase it suddenly. I just wanna close with someone without any binding deals. Because it makes me more comfortable and keep feelin’ free. Now, someone has gave me expectation and i know well that he is loving someone else. More than anything.

Actually it is not a big trouble. Just little feelin’ that would be fade away by time. But when ? the more i try to forget, the more he appears. F*ck !

I just already said to myself “he is your brother. Let him love anyone else. And support him no matter what”. It gave me better feelin’. At least i can keep like him eventhough he loves someone else. I hope myself can accept it and all of this strange feel will perfectly gone.

Please bless me, God

Vina

Score and Life

Hai, sorry for offering you another unimportant post, but i have to tell it to you. I’ve heard that school isn’t place to find a “score”, but “knowledge”. Yeah, actually since my first step to went to school i always plan to bring a high score for mom, dad, and people i wanna share. I never thought that i was right there just to get knowledge. Because we all know, we can get so many knowledge everywhere, everytime, with everyone. Not just in school.

When i was child (10th above), all i can do to make my mom and dad smiling just getting a good score. And when i was tenagers (10th bellow), another effort to make them smiling is having a special skill in specifict subject and having an achievement in non-academic. Everyday i learn in what i like and interested me. And everyday the desire to get good score has been fade away.

In 17th, my idealism was growing on. I started to like politic, social, culture, and public. I have watched news everymorning, i have read newspaper, i have shared with people, and thought to have some demo in school. It’s a such fun to learn based on reality. And unconciously I hated Math, Geography,  Java, Chinesse, and 7 others. There’s a great punch in my head when my raport unsatisfiying me.  i needed a long time to change my mind and i wrote a little note .

“it just an useless subject. It just completed the score. And good news, who care about score ?. It doesn’t influence me at all. I believe i’m still alive in next 10 years nomatter my Math, Geography, Java, Chinesse and 7 other score was bad.”

One year goes by ... now, i’m holding that little note. Little note that i wrote one year ago when i definitely crazy. Because .... what should i say if all the people’s judgement based on the score ? are we still darely said “ i don’t need score” ?

This is my confusing biggy question that appeared when i almost sleep. I was thinking about bad score i get in Math, Java, Chinesse, Geography, and 7 others. Apperently it has a such big influence in my life. My score influences the “SNMPTN Undangan” that determines which university i get. The University i get influences my future. My Future influences my career, then, finally it influences my life. My life. One more. My life !!

I hope it just my paranoidity or such kinda feeling because do you think it is fair for our life determined by the unreal nominal digit on a sheet of paper ?

Oke, it just my opinion. I think score can be exchange with another measurement that more usefull. Like achievement for finding an usefull inovation, achievement for dareness of doing something heroic, and achievement of doing a good turn, and many more.

Oke reader, it just a little “galau” note of 18th nomaden girls who confusing about future in middle night. bye

Last 2012 in Jakarta

Hi reader. It has been long time since my last post. I miss to write so bad. Okey, start from my birthday that was held in Jakarta with my old friends and my family but without dad, because he enjoy himself being in Purwokerto.

I get so so soooo meaningfull birthday.i get many motivation from everything i ever leave. I miss to live in jakarta, i miss to trough my day with Ghinta, i miss to hang out and go to cinema in the weekend, i miss to watch a concert, i miss to walk around by busway, i miss to say that i am jakartarian. i miss that time. How i get it again ? absolutely i have to studyhard to reach indonesia University, so i can live in jakarta again !! yeah !! this is a beautifully gift for getting myself has been motivate by all i see.  I am 18th and i realized that i have to do something for many years later.

We also celebrated christmast in my aunty’s apartment. She is a great cookies maker. She get many order in a few days  before christmast, so i have to help her while i studied to make some cakes. Finally, we spend their warm christmast with share and laugh. I miss the moment like this.

The special moment is went i visited Ghinta’s house. I MISS HER SO BAD !! we shared, laughed, and cried. She have many problem so i tried to keep herself enjoy to tell. I wanna there, by her side. But i couldn’t yet. She gave me birthday gift and i sooooo touched. And last, we took a picture together.

In following days, i just walked around and met my ex neighbour. Many thing have changed. I am so touched and felt nostalgic. I hang out, hang out and hang out untill 29th December. Then i went back to Purwokerto to have a new year eve in Purwokerto with mom and dad.

Thanks god, for gave me many thing in every single day of last 2012.

I think its not too late to say Happy New Year

Opinion about My Love

Hi reader.

Holiday aku kali ini not bad. Aku punya agenda holiday yang padat, tapi pikiran aku juga padat. Kalo liat kaca aku sering parno ngeliat kepala aku berasap. Satu satunya manusia yang wajib bertanggung jawab atas hal ini adalah... S

Banyak orang yang komentar soal sikap aku, gaya aku, ucapan aku, dan selalu aku jawab “this is me, myself, my personal”. Aku santai soal ini. Tapi sebisa mungkin aku selalu usaha buat jadi lebih baik, ya siapa sih yang pengen stag pada hal yg buruk ?

Aku selalu inget semua kritik orang-orang disekitarku. Jika membangun, tentu aku realisasikan atau setidaknya aku pertimbangkan untuk diproses. Dan jika ga membangun, buang ketempat sampah. Gatau kenapa, ga ada passion aja buat nanggepin orang-orang yg mengkritik tanpa punya material untuk membangun. Yah, kaya denger anjing mengongong aja. Cuma keras dan nusuk tapi ga ada yg bisa diambil.

Dia, pacar, jarang bgt mengkritik, manusia yang paling nerima aku seperti ini. Kalaupun suatu waktu dia mengkritik, itu adalah bahan motivasi aku untuk berubah. Yah, anehnya, aku luka dan terjatuh dan terpuruk ketika aku dijudge terlalu main main dan ga serius. Yang ada dipikaran aku, “what ? jadi cinta yang udah bener – bener aku kasih masih dianggap main-main ?!”. Aku berusaha stay positif dan mikir ,mungkin ukuran serius dan main-main itu relatif, dia dan aku memang selalu beda. Jadi aku harus apa ? tetap begini atau jadi jadi pribadi yang lebih serius ?

Kalaupun nanti aku berubah, mungkin dia motivasinya. Sayangnya sekarang ga sedikitpun ada keinginan buat berubah. Aku terlalu mencintai diri aku yang kaya gini. maaf dan makasih udah nyadarin aku kalo perasaan yang udah aku kasih itu sia-sia karena cuma dianggap main-main. Percuma bgt ya. Sumpah aku merasa bodoh dianggap kaya gini. kalo udah begini mau gimana lagi, Cuma cinta yang begini yang aku punya, dan aku cuma memberikan ini pada orang yg menghargai. Kalau itu bukan dia, aku harap dia bisa terima.

hmmmm..'bout my high school

Hay Guys

I wanna share about choice. Yes, i have choice, you have choice and so have everyone because life is a choice. And choice is a big factor which is influence our next step or next choice that appear. When i was baby, i ever choose where i will go. Take the step to mom or to dad. When i was child, i met the choice again. Ask for pets or barbie. When i was teenage, i found the choice again. Closer with him or him. This is all just a little example. The point is “choice always exist”.

Now, i am facing a new choice. But the choice doesn’t simple. It caused by “choice is big factor which influence our next step or next choice that appear.” (so we can say that every choice doesn’t simple, right ? whatever.)

I wonder about my school life which is almost finish. Where i will continue my study is a great big thing that i think every moment as long as i remember.

1.       Communication. As long as my confuse, it gets 60% of my decide. I almost sure about communication. I like to speak, speech, or explain something. I like presenting, promoting, and entertaining. I have big hope about it. My parrent permitt me too. But the problem is.... i have to compete with science student. Because this subject takes student from social and science. It hard.

2.       Visual communication design. I love to design, edit, colour, make composition, gradation and shape. I interest in art and feel. I enjoy spend my long spare time to get my self play with canvas in photoshop or corel or else. I have wanted to be designer since i was elementry school.

3.       Economy. I reach the greatest score in my class for this subject. It’s all cause of my dad teach me all day .Honestly i doesn’t like this subject too much. But my parrent 100% support me to be an econom. Yes, cause of my dad who is economy gradute. They want me to continue their job. I wanna make their proud. So i enter it to my choice list.

This is big three of my list. Actually i have another choice. Public health, japanesse art, international relation, bussiness international and marketing. I have made many choice and i can’t choose one. The only one i can’t choose is give my index finger to Allah. Let Allah choose and i’ll get there

Sometimes by Britney Spears

You tell me you're in love with me
like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me
It's not that I don't want to stay
But everytime you come too close I move away
I wanna believe in everything that you say
cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
There's things about me you just have to know.

 Sometimes I run
 sometimes I hide
 Sometimes I'm scared of you
 But all I really want is to hold you tight
 Treat you right, be with you day and night
 Baby all I need is time.

 I don't wanna be so shy
 Everytime that I'm alone I wonder why
 Hope that you will wait for me
 You'll see that, you're the only one for me

 I wanna believe in everything that you say
 Cause it sounds so good
 But if you really want me, move slow
 There's things about me, you just have to know.

 Sometimes I run (sometimes)
 sometimes I hide
 Sometimes I'm scared of you
 But all I really want is to hold you tight
 Treat you right, be with you day and night

 All I really want is to hold you tight
 Treat you right, be with you day and night
 Baby, all I need is time.

 Just hang around and you'll see
 There's nowhere I'd rather be
 If you love me, trust in me
 The way that I trust in you.

aku dia dan jarak

Hai reader …

Untuk kesekian kalinya aku merasa tulisan ini ga penting. Walaupun blog ini memang dilahirkan untuk menampung semua ke’ga penting’an itu, tapi tetep aja aku suka merasa bersalah. Merasa bersalah sama siapa juga aku ga tau. Mungkin sama waktu, yang udah aku buang untuk hal ga penting.

Kakak aku, Mas Aldi memang orang yang sangat idealis. 5 jempol untuk pemikirannya yang kaya jalan tol. Membuat aku semakin merasa kerdil. Tapi juga mendorong aku untuk lebih terbuka sama dia. yah, jarang – jarang kan dapet konsultasi gratis. Kecuali sama guru BK disekolah yang Cuma tau bahwa masalah kita hanya sekolah, SNMPTN dan perguruan tinggi.

Pembicaraan kita di kamar aku berujung pada pencerahan di otakku. Dimana dia bilang …

Cewe itu melihat segalanya dengan perasaan, sedangkan cowo dengan logika. Jadi, cowo harus menyelimuti logikanya dengan perasaan untuk mendapatkan si cewe. Begitu juga sebaliknya, cewe harus menyelimuti perasaannya dengan logika untuk mendapatkan si cowo.

Awalnya agak ribet dengernya, otak aku butuh waktu beberapa hari untuk mengerti sampe akhirnya aku mengalami semuanya.

Dia … yang notabene cowo, yang notabene memilih logika untuk mendominasi pandangannya, yang notabene sayang sama aku, yang notabene akan pergi ngelanjutin study, dengan jelas bilang “engga” waktu aku tanya “kira kira kita bakal lama ngga ya ?”

Memang secara logika dia bener, beneeeer bgt. Tapi jawaban itu kaya power juicer yang menjadikan hatiku hancur lebur, cair, dan jadilah segelas jus hati. *hiiii…

Intinya dia ga mikirin perasaan aku, tapi anehnya dia tetap mendapatkan aku. Pake pelet apa tuh orang sampe aku terpaksa memilih buat lebih pake logika untuk ngimbangin dia. *sejak dulu memang wanita selalu dijajah pria*

Nah, apa bila kita long lasting (aminnn), ini akan menjadi pembuktian ke dia kalo logika engga selalu melandasi suatu hubungan. Walau secara logika Purwokerto – Semarang itu jauh, terpaut jarak kurang lebih 200 KM, tapi … 2 cm pun perasaan aku ga berjarak dari dia. #eaaaa

Yap , ketika jarak dihitung dengan perasaan, penggarispun terasa terlalu panjang untuk mengukurnya. Ketika harga BBM melonjak sekalipun, recehan akhir bulan terasa terlalu banyak untuk membelinya. Perasaan emang dapat mempermudah hal yang dianggap sulit oleh logika, begitu juga sebaliknya.

Makasih untuk waktunya. See u next blog.